No really. This article that you wrote? It’s a classic example of victim blaming bullshit and a critical compassion fail. How do you still have a job giving other humans advice? Despite your attempts to hide it, you have become a part of the slut-shaming, victim blaming, WRONG group of people who blame women and alcohol for rape and not, you know, rapists.
Let me break it down for you.
These two sentences
Perpetrators are the ones responsible for committing their crimes, and they should be brought to justice. But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them.
negate each other.
That’s how the word but works in the language that is English. As a professional writer, this is information you should already have.
And let’s be clear here. There are absolutely zero women who do not understand that drinking can put us in situations that are unsafe.
The fact that you fail to recognize that actual issue is that women are unsafe whether they are drinking or not. Drinking may put women in a position wherein we are less able to defend ourselves in situations we wouldn’t have to deal with in the first place if we lived in a society that respected us.
The problem isn’t drinking. The problem is rape culture. The problem is you.
Every single part of what you wrote makes it clear that you do not understand the actual causes of rape.
Moreover, I have to say, I feel sorry for your daughter.
I’ve told my daughter that it’s her responsibility to take steps to protect herself.
I sincerely hope that your daughter is never the victim of sexual assault. I honestly hope that she stays safe from that for the rest of her life. I also hope that if she is victimized you are nowhere near her at the time.
You are the kind of parent that rape counselors and victim advocates dread. Despite your platitudes you make it clear that you place total responsibility on the victim, not the perpetrator. You ask hat your child was wearing, who she was with, what she drank and you make it oh so obvious that in your mind, what happened to her is her fault.
You compound the emotional pain of rape with the greater pain of parental blame.
Your drivel about self-interest and feminist principles not only insults the intelligence of feminists and humans with functioning logic centers but the final point of that paragraph,
I hope their restraint trickles down to the men.
makes it clear that you don’t understand how rape works. Or responsibility. Or basic decency.
Rape prevention isn’t a thing that needs to “trickle down,” to men. It’s a thing that needs to start with them.
Anyone who at this point feels the need to point out that men can be the victims of rape too needs to check yourself. That is factual but it is clearly a subject that Prudence can’t handle at the moment. Baby steps, y’all. Baby steps.
Still, as a young person, I did my share of fun, crazy, silly, stupid, and ill-advised things. But at least I always knew that I was responsible for my behavior, not the alcohol.
Let me close by saying two things. The best way to prevent sexual assault is to teach people that it is unacceptable to assault people. You know, solve the problem, rather than blame the victim. How is this complicated? Further, I desperately hope that if your daughter, or anyone else you care about is the victim of a sexual assault they have someone other than you around to tell them the truth.
The fault lies neither with the victim nor the alcohol. The fault lies with the rapist. End of fucking file.
I think that National Coming Out Day is a wonderful thing in general. I think, assuming it is safe to do so, people are generally better off being honest and truthful. But can we please stop talking about coming out like it’s thing that you do once or a list that you check off and once you’ve told everyone on it, you’re done?
I come out every day.
When one of leaves the other, we kiss and say “I love you,” because we do. That’s coming out to anyone who happens to see us.
When we wear our pride bracelets in public? Coming out.
When one of us meets someone new? Eventually, we get to the relationship status portion of the conversation and I come out.
If someone is flirting with me or asks me out? I come out.
In casual conversation, making references that straight people generally don’t even have to think about, I come out. Using the phrase “my girlfriend,” in public? Yeah, that’s coming out.
Let’s be clear here, every day coming out is just and terrifying and dangerous as it was when I cam out the first time or the twelfth or the millionth. Because, you know, it’s possible that people will be cool. It is also possible that they will react with silent disdain. It is also possible that they will react with violence. That risk? It’s one A- and I live with every single day.
Coming out isn’t just a thing you do once or twice or twenty times, as someone who has made the decision to come out, it’s a daily obligation you take on like brushing your teeth or feeding the cat. And every day we put ourselves in danger of rejection, loss of friends, loss of livelihood or physical violence.
We do all of that simply so we can be honest about who we are and who we love because fuck the closet and any of the people who would reject us because we won’t lie about our lives.
So everyone knows what today is. Everyone knows that a bunch of people died due to extremism and today everyone is going to bombarded with two things; idiotic “Never Forget,” signs, images, bumper stickers and what not as well as multiple television shows and movies attempting to retraumatize the public for cash.
And all we’re going to be told today is that we should never forget. Yeah…thanks. I needed that reminder because the image of two people holding hands as they leapt to their deaths from the higher floors of the North Tower, so as to have some human contact in their last moments on earth, was going to go away any time soon; just,you know, pop right out of my head.
You know what we shouldn’t forget?
We shouldn’t forget that there were actually four planes that crashed that day. One took out a building full of soldiers. One crashed in a field after it was retaken by the passengers. The two others hit two buildings full of people.
Why do so many people focus on the building full of victims rather that the building full of soldiers or a plane full of ordinary Americans who stepped up when it was necessary and made themselves heroes? I think we should never forget the other two planes that crashed.
Guess what else we shouldn’t forget?
The terrorist attack on September 11th wasn’t random. It was the result of two things; religious extremism and global politics.
Notice that I didn’t say Muslim extremism. Yes, the people who attacked the U.S. were Muslims but that is peripheral. Religious extremism isn’t exclusive to Islam as evidenced by the idiot reactions to Park 51.
As a result of the religious extremism that led to the attack on September 11th we, the United States have responded with a level of extremism that makes no logical sense and is, in fact, pathetic and sad.
Somehow, in our strong, tough response to terrorism we’ve embraced the very worst traits of those people who attacked us and shown that what we as a nation mean by strong and tough is actually acting in the most cowardly, counter-Constitutional way possible.
Never forget that in the days after September 11th people who looked like they might be Muslims were attacked and in some cases were killed.
Never forget that fear and panic are exactly the reactions that the people flying those planes on September 11th wanted.
Never forget that religious extremism is what is happening right now in the United States. Go to any right leaning website and do a search for the word Muslim. You’ll see what I mean.
Never forget that September 11th is the event that led our nation into signing away our civil rights in the form of the Patriot Act.
Never forget that September 11th is the event led directly to a war we never should have fought in which 4400 American service men and women gave their lives and countless civilians died.
Never forget that the U.S. tortured people.
Never forget that part of the reason that the U.S. was targeted was our own actions and our subsequent inaction. That doesn’t, in any way, justify the actions of the terrorists but it’s something that we need to cop to.
The U.S. has been selectively meddling in the Middle East for decades and doing so with little regard for the wishes of those in the region or the sovereignty of the nations therein.
Never forget that the events of September 11th are far more nuanced and complex than any t-shirt of very special episode can possibly cover.
You want to memorialize September 11th? Remember that real patriots respect Islam. Remember pluralism, the concept that two divergent ideas can and must exist in the same nation at the same time and each be equally respected. Remember that we the people have a responsibility to the nation and the Constitution to stand up for our fellow Americans, no matter what religion or nation of origin.
Remember that. While you’re at it, remember that all of the memorials that are showing on TV are happening for profit and all the memorials that are happening in the media are too.
Then remember this:
In which my favorite comic company fails yet again, makes epic and transparent excuses and then makes them some more.
In other news, a bunch of people fail to apply basic critical thinking and just accept stupid excuses as if they had any hope of being true.
So DC has come up with what they, and the Furious Fanboys, apparently, think is a good excuse for denying Kate Kane and Maggie Sawyer and the thousands upon thousands of LGBTQ fans who love them a wedding.
Firstly, Dan DiDio stated that there were complaints when she started as a lead character in 2006 but that DC continues to support her as a character to this day. That she’s a hero first, and that being gay is “a part of who she is.”
She’s clearly a member of the Bat family, and that as a result she shouldn’t have a happy personal life. That she’s committed to defending others at the sacrifice of personal instincts and personal lives.
So its important to establish their personal lives, but then they have to set them aside. And that heroes shouldn’t get married.
If you are currently screaming “BULLSHIT,” at you computer screen, fear not, you are not alone. I mean, maybe you are alone, in which case you are possibly scaring your pets, like I did.
Lots of comic characters are married. Lots of them at DC. I mentioned three or so from memory, last post. And “she’s a member of the Bat family and thus she can’t be happy,” doesn’t make any kind of sense given that marriage is not, as far as anyone who has ever been in one can testify, a panacea for all one’s mental and emotional ills.
Anyone with even a tiny bit of sense can see that writing a married member of the Bat family has to capacity to open up a huge number of story lines and conflicts that have never been explored by DC’s flagship book. But no. That can’t happen.
The authors of Batwoman had been planning the wedding for a year. If “no wedding,”s is DC policy then someone would probably have mentioned that, you know, a year ago. But they didn’t and now the former authors aren’t just leaving early in protest, that are out, period as of right now.
But we should all just move along because there’s nothing to see here?
No. Dan DiDio is lying and he’s not even doing it well. He’s just throwing out some transparent bullshit in the hopes that we’ll fall for it and stop calling him on his behavior.
Let’s not fall for it. Further, let’s continue calling him and DC in general on their behavior.
The other controversy, which I needed some distance (and possibly some rum) to be able to write about coherently. According to Furious Fanboys,
Popular husband and wife team of Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner are working on a new satirical Harley Quinn comic, and DC is holding a contest for someone to draw a page from it that will make it into the final book.
According to FF,
Gawker decided to fan the flames of click baiting with the headling, “DC Comics Contest: Draw a Naked Woman Committing Suicide.”
OK, well yes that’s one way to put it. Another way to put it is, Gawker wrote a headline that is significantly more factual than they can usually be counted on to provide and FF is trying desperately to attack Gawker’s credibility because otherwise they have no leg to stand on.
Fine, FF’s is a more elegant sentence. Mine is true though, so I’ll stick with it.
The fact that they authors of the Harley Quinn honestly feel back on Bullshit Internet Excuse Number One “I Was Kidding,” means that they were wrong and they know it. It does nothing to mitigate all the criticism that was leveled at them for starting a contest that involves a beloved character trying to kill herself over and over and over again, AT THE START OF NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK, nor does it address the deeper criticism of the sexualization of violence and suicide via said contest. All they came up with was “we were kidding.”
That’s not acceptable. If they had succeeded in being funny the rest of us would be laughing too. Clearly, a lot of us aren’t. They weren’t’ being funny. What they were doing was being cruel and refusing to be compassionate to a huge portion of their fanbase.
The second part is particularly troubling since DC’s got a whole subsection of the Green Lantern mythos that functions on and spreads compassion. Yet they can’t muster the basic compassion necessary to post some variation of “We are sorry that our actions caused you harm.” Even if they have no intention of changing their decisions the compassion exhibited could go a long way toward making their fans not pissed off at them anymore.
Seriously, how is this complicated? When you hurt someone, you tell them you are sorry for their pain. This is grade school stuff.
The people behind Penny Arcade talked out loud in public.
This is never a good thing.
I would go over it point by point but other bloggers have already done the heavy lifting for me.
Go read, Elizabeth Sampat’s Quit Fucking Going To PAX Already, What Is Wrong With You or Aja Romano’s Is Krahulik’s ‘Dickwolves’ apology too little, too late for Penny Arcade fans? or Rachel Edidin’s Why I’m Never Going Back to Penny Arcade Expo.
The most important information that you should take from those two blogs is this; Penny Arcade has a long history of extremely sexist/ rape apologist behavior. Maybe it’s a good idea for people of conscience to not give them money or go to their con.
Aside from that, the writers of Batwoman are leaving because DC, the comic company that I love above all others, is refusing to allow Kate Kane and Maggie Sawyer to get married. Why? DC isn’t saying but I would bet that it’s because dating lesbians are sexier and more interesting that staid married lesbians.
Alright, there’s something to be said for keeping the will they/won’t they dynamic going in any relationship, gay or straight but here’s the thing; off the top of my head I can think of three different Flashes, a couple three versions of Superman and at least one Green Lantern who are all married.
So why don’t Kate and Maggie get a wedding? I mean, holding it off for a while, teasing the big eventmake-up-break-up drama? All of the would be trite, but it would still lead to an awesome wedding.
DC just said no.
Get it together over there Detective Comics.
DO NOT force us to come at you with the whole emotional spectrum.
Who guessed that the little girl was black give yourself a gold star because of course she was. Of. Course. She. Was. according to her school, which apparently had zero problems with her hair last year, “hairstyles such as dreadlocks, afros, mohawks, and other faddish styles are unacceptable.”
Just to be clear, deadlocks, afros and mohawks are not faddish if you are black or black or fucking Pawnee (but not Mohawk, apparently which is information I didn’t know. Yes, even I make totally wrong assumptions). They’re hairstyles with centuries of history and culture behind them.
And now this straight A student has had to go to a new school which could negatively impact her overall education.But, you know, the everyone will look neat in class?
2. A group of black patrons were kicked out of a restaurant because, according to the staff, a white patron was intimidated. I question the staff’s explanation in the first place. It seems…irrational and stupid and a total lie. No one in the food service industry is going to kick 25 people and their giant bill out at the request of one or two or a few people.
So, I believe that someone was uncomfortable or intimidated but I don’t think it was a customer. I think it may have been one of the workers and I think he or she was “intimidated,” in so far as they didn’t feel like interacting with a large group of People of Color.
My explanation is pure speculation but at least it makes some sort of sense.
Here’s the other thing that really pisses me off about this story. WWC of North Charleston posted an apology to its own Facebook page, saying it is “truly disappointed and sorry that any guests of ours felt disrespected or discriminated against,” and promising a “thorough investigation.”
If they felt disrespected or discriminated against? If they felt that way? As opposed to “We are sorry that one of our employees actually disrespected and discriminated against this group of people,” they decided to make their apology all about the feelings of the people who were harmed.
You know what that’s called? A non-apology.
When a person or group really apologizes they say they are sorry, possibly outline how they were wrong and make amends. When someone pretends to apologize they offer a free meal and make their apology about the victim’s feeling rather than their own actions.
3. A young girl’s formative shopping experience becomes one of shame and trauma.
Which, honestly isn’t all that different from the regular shopping experiences of fat girls all over. Normally, though, we just have to deal with smug looks and disapproval.
This girl, shopping without her mother for the very first time got this:
“I walked in and the lady at the front counter said hey you’re too big to be in this store, I need you to leave,”
You’re too big to be in here? You can’t exist in this space because you are too fat? Seriously? Yes, seriously.
And you know what, the girl in question had the best, most rational response possible.
It just made no sense to me. They should just have more respect, just refrain from insulting people like me and stuff,” said Buster.
Basic respect, decency and compassion, that’s all that was required in all three of these situations. The school the restaurant and the store all failed to show those simple things.
As I mentioned previously, when the crime is who you are you can’t win. No matter what, no matter how hard you work or how well you assimilate. You can be “articulate” and educated. You can be perfect but if you’re not Caucasian you’re wrong. That’s just how the world works.
Everything you are, everything you do, your skin, your speech, your lips, your nose, every part of you is wrong. Your hair, you r skin, your size. You’re too fat, too black, too nappy. When they crime is who your are, wrong is the state in which you are trapped forever. And that state of too nappy, too fat, too black is all the excuse that certain people need to target you.
These aren’t isolated incidents. They’re examples of the way that PoC and WoC and fat people are forced to live.
How is this acceptable?
There’s a lot of opinion going around about Syria right now and what we should or should not do in Syria. A lot of it. Like, a whole lot and most of it is just noise.
Anyone who tells you this is a simple issue doesn’t understand the issue enough to be talking or typing about it. If you see anything that remote resembles a claim that this is simple click or walk away. Or possibly point and laugh if you’re at all like me.
There are ten tons of shit behind this decision including the War Powers Resolution which is self-contradictory and obtuse by design, so it’s probably legal that the president send in troops or air support for at least 60 days but maybe not. It kind of depends on how pissy Congress decides to get. If you hear the use of the term illegal orders or war crimes, assume you’re listening to someone who hates the president or at least hasn’t bothered to read the relevant law.
In reality, it’s probable that the use of military force by the president is perfectly legal as evidenced by 30 years of presidents doing exactly that and having the legislative and judicial branches refuse to do anything about it.
Aside from that, the moral issue, of allowing people to be killed, even with chemical weapons, is less pressing that many would have you believe. Yes, I know, that’s an unpopular thing to think. I don’t care. Look, the US has been fine with letting people get hacked to death with machetes in Darfur for ten fucking years. Why are we suddenly coming on as all sad clown/morally outraged over the idea of dead civilians in this specific nation? Could it be that the region has strategic value in terms of controlling a huge portion of our fossil fuel supply?
Why do dead Syrian civilians matter more than dead African ones? I don’t know, but it appears that they do.
And finally, this shit right here:
A lot of my fellow liberals have started calling these people heroes.
How about no?
Look, I’m a veteran. As such, people talking about the military who have no experience with or understanding of the military pisses me right off.
These men, and all of them appear to be male, aren’t standing up for shit. They’re not heroes, they’re hiding. The difference between these cowards and actual heroes is the difference between Edward Snowdon and Chelsea Manning.
Snowdon dropped documents and fled. Manning dropped documents too and she stayed and took the consequences. That is an act of conscience. I don’t agree with Manning’s actions and I think she got every bit of the punishment she deserved, but at least she had the courage of her convictions.
Hiding is the opposite of courage.
This is a far better example of courage.
I mean, totally aside from the fact that I agree with this guy and not the others, he’s technically breaking the rules too. The difference is he is showing both his face and his name. As such, he is welcoming the consequences of his action. That’s how people who adults deal with things.
The military does what it’s told because that’s what it agreed to do. Each person in the military volunteered to be there. The took an oath to follow legal orders, and please recall the thirty years of legal precedent that makes it clear that the president can pretty much send the military anywhere it wants and both the legislative branch and the judicial branch will consider it legal. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe this is the time that Congress and the Judiciary decide that the president isn’t empowered to send troops wherever he wants to. If that happens, maybe we as liberals should wonder why that is. What is different about this president? Do we want to be on the side of people who would trade on the obvious difference?
Like I said, complicated. Given all of those complications, we should probably stop long enough to think some thoughts before urging our friends and representatives to think or act in one way or another.