No, I Will Not Knit Something For You
It’s a little chilly here in Floridaland today. By a little chilly I mean it was 46°F when I woke up this morning and 53°F by the time I went outside. I’m from Pennsylvania. That’s a little chilly for me.
As a result I put on my Knucks and jeans and a t-shirt. A little chilly people, let’s not go nuts.
So, I’m walking around the complex looking for and not finding interesting pictures to take when some random person I have never seen before walks up to me and compliments my knitting. Now, I consider this an excellent way to start a conversation. ProTip: Always compliment the knitting. I don’t care if the person’s status as a knitter is unknown. You can’t lose at this. If they aren’t a knitter, they will thank you for the compliment to their fashion sense. If they are a knitter you have made a brand new BFF. Trust.
Unless you fuck it up in the next two sentences like this lady did. “Oh, you made that? Cutie! Can you knit me a pair?”
Blink. Blink, blink. Tilt head like dog hearing a high pitched sound. “No.”
Then I stuck my face in my camera in the hopes the she would take a fucking hint and toddle off from whence she came. No such luck.
ProTip the Second: The answer to that question is always “Because I said no.”
She went on. “I mean I could just buy a pair.”
“Do so.” I was baffled at her audacity. Like me knitter her something was a favor this stranger was doing for me?
I know that I went on a whole rant yesterday about the dangers of nice for the sake of nice but I was trying. I really was because I don’t think cursing out someone who lives near at top volume you while standing three feet from the apartment office is particularly wise. It was my first choice, honestly, but not a wise choice.
So, instead I told her what I tell everyone who asks me for handknits. “I start at ninety dollars an hour. The more complicated the project, the higher the cost.” Now I normally follow that with “Or I can teach you to knit for free,” but fuck her. No lessons for self important bitches who devalue my work and my time.
Is ninety dollars overpriced? Yes. Is my time and my effort worth that much? You are damned right. Who gets handknits from me? Certain select relatives, other knitters and my girlfriend. That’s all. Anyone else can take a lesson or take a walk.
On a totally different subject… WHY IS IT RAINING KITTENS FOR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WHO ISN’T ME!??! Stomp, pout, stomp again, pout some more. Want kitty! It’s not fair.
OK, that last little bit was brought to you by my past self, aged 4.