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You’ll Go Down In History! How The GOP Is Like Santa In The Worst Way

December 27, 2012

I don’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday but I do love me some Christmas carols. Love ‘em. That is largely because I don’t work retail anymore and am not inundated with them starting in early November. Full disclosure; I like most Christmas Carols. Some other them, not so much.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is right up there in my top three most hated along with The Christmas Shoes (because gag) and Baby, It’s Cold Outside (because rapey). Except this version. It’s still rapey but really, I’m sorry, it’s hilarious.


Why do I dislike Rudolph? Because in it, Santa is a douche. In fact everyone in the song who isn’t Rudolph is a douche. Go read the lyrics. They can easily be summed up as “We hated, maligned and marginalized you until you became useful to us but now you’re our favorite!” That’s a pretty shitty message to teach children. Why? Because they grow into adults who do that to other people.

Hey remember the past three decades when Republican strategy has been to hate, malign and marginalize People of Color? Oh and remember how they kept that up even after the election with their assertions that the president won by giving “gifts” to specific demographic groups? Because, you know, it could not possibly their policies. It totally had to be that Massa ‘Bama in da big house….no, honestly, I’m still too annoyed by that particularly hateful set of sentences to even be sarcastic about it. Their policies suck and they can’t deal with it so they keep doubling down on their racist bullshit. But now South Carolina is going to have a PoC Senator so it’s all OK, right?

Their message hasn’t changed. The hate for women, the LGBTQ community, PoC, and the fundamentals of math and logic  hasn’t changed either but they need us now because their largely Caucasian, largely male  voter base can’t win anymore. So they want us to come join their reindeer games and they think that one PoC senator, who spouts their same racist, sexist, homophobic, irrational lies, means that we have to like them. They think if they change their delivery we will be fooled.

“Hitch yourself up to that slay there, buddy and pull my jolly behind all over the world. When we get back, after I’ve worked you until you to the limits of my need I’ll probably forget about you again until next election cycle, or Christmas. Whatever.”

How about no? Look, I’m not going to try to convince you that Democrats are perfect, because I assume that anyone reading this has eyes and brains and they are connected together so as to form thoughts based on information. Besides, if I tried I would collapse in hysterical laughter. But this blatant pandering with the side of continued hate and derision? Fuck. That. Pull your own sled asshole.

And I still think that should have been Rudolph’s answer too.

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