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Blerd Chick Stories: This Is A Sort Of Valentine

February 14, 2013

From someone who really hates this stupid holiday.

A-loves it though. I don’t get it but that’s one of the things that you do for the people you love. I refrain from muttering about how this holiday is simply a set up to fail and she refrains from complaining when I fail.

That right there? It’s love.

You know what else is love?

For this holiday that I hate, I will watch A-‘s favorite movie, which also happens to be one of the greatest chick movies ever made.

Ladies and gentlemen and those of you who do not fall into any gender duality. I give you Aliens.

I think A- prefers the first one slightly but for my money, it the sequel that rises into greatness.

First of all, it passes the Bechdel Test. Both Ripley and Newt as well as Ripley and Vasquez have conversations with each other about the giant, slimy, death machines that they are going to visit.

Second, there’s zero romance in the original cut of the film. There’s one moment in the director’s cut between Hicks and Ripley that is kind of a little bit romantic, but then they go back to trying not to die.

Also, come on, Ripley rocks extra hard. I like her more in this one than I do in Alien, because she’s less screamy and more ass kicking. I enjoy ass kicking females.

In defense of Alien, it is far more a locked room, suspense movie than Aliens, which is pretty much a pure action flick, but I don’t care. I’m all about the action flick. Sometimes my nerd tastes are simplistic. Deal with it.

But frankly, the thing I like most about Aliens is watching it with A-. She makes a good movie a great movie with her love for it. Even things that other people might find annoying, and, OK, if I’m honest, have annoyed me on occasion are amusing because it’s her.

In this case I’m specifically talking about her need to give you ever bit of Aliens trivia that she has ever learned during the movie. Not that I have any room to complain (which has never stopped me from actually complaining but I acknowledge the hypocrisy of my complaints) because I will do the same thing with Buffy unless you stop me. It takes a lot to stop me.

But I let her do it and I listen because again, that’s what you do for the people you love.

The other reason I like watching Aliens with her?

A few months ago one of my friends described what it’s like to debate with the two of us online. He said dealing with us is like dealing with a Predator and then turning around and finding an Xenomorph (see honey? I pay attention!) all up in your face.

My response: “So you’re saying that dealing with the two of us is like being in the middle of AVP?”

“Well, yes except the two of you are working together and it only sucks for the person who has pissed you two off.”

I took that as a compliment.

I’m the Predator, by the way, the aggressive one who just comes after you.

My girl is smart, like extra super smart and that is great for me because she’s never boring. I constantly learn from her. but she’s also generally going to start off significantly more polite and friendly than I am and give you a lot of chances to step back and take your foot out of your mouth.

That said, when she’s done playing with you it is all the way on and you’ll probably never see it coming.

She’s the Xenomorph.

So far, we’ve managed to make the whole thing work.

Alien + Predator Love


Love you A-. Happy Contrived Romance Day. I love you all the other days of the year just as much.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. February 14, 2013 12:27 PM

    See this is a better valentines day present than flowers, or candy, or cards. Because this is from the heart.
    Also how the hell did you manage to find a picture of a Xenomorph and Predator hugging? That’s like the best Valentines Day Card picture EVER!


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