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More On Rape Culture, Because It Never Ends

March 26, 2013

And it’s still everybody’s problem.

Very few things are black and white, except, you know when they clearly are, but when it comes to behavior, few things are.

Today I offer a bit of link spam that is two parts black and white and some other parts not so much.

1. If Only We Could Talk About Abusing Women Like We Do Abusing Cats by Amanda Marcotte is spot on brilliant, though provoking and fucking sad because it is spot on.

The best bit?

Missing from the discussion: Wondering if the cat was asking for it by being so cute and easy to torture. Blaming male hormones or implying that because it’s so sexually gratifying to torture a cat, some boys can’t help themselves. Making excuses for the cat torturers by saying that they don’t understand the difference between playing with a cat who wants to play with you and torturing it.  Claiming that while cat torture is bad, we shouldn’t be too eager to punish the cat torturers.

A lot of people in comments said that we should teach boys not to torture cats, specifically noting cultural changes that could be instituted to prevent cat torture. These people were not subjected to an angry flame war where they were accused of being stupid, called by misogynist or racist names, or told that they should be tortured themselves until they understood that the only way to stop cat torture is for cats to defend themselves. It was understood that cats do try to defend themselves, but unfortunately, self-defense is sometimes not enough to prevent cat torture. It was accepted that cat torture is a crime that is cultural in origin, and that by changing the culture, we can prevent it.

I’m guessing you can see where I’m going with this.

Yeah, the cat is innocent but women? Not so much.

Everyone is aware that is unconscionable, right? Internetlandia right rallied behind both kid and cat and there was never a question as to weather the cat was at fault, nor was there an outcry for the poor, poor abusers. Why/ Because people, male and female, can empathize with the poor cat, who didn’t do anything to deserve the attack that was perpetrated on it but women….um yeah.

2. How Does A Man Go Through 50 Years of Life And Not Learn The Hands To Yourself Rule?

A New York City man flying cross country with his 12-year-old son allegedly put his hand underneath the skirt of a sleeping female passenger and massaged her thigh, an act he later defended by telling the victim, “It’s not like I molested you. It’s not like I stuck my finger in your pussy or grabbed your tits.”

Don’t read the comments. Don’t read them. Don’t, I said. You read them didn’t you? For those of you who managed to avoid doing so, it’s full of victim blaming, Democrat bashing (for some reason), victim blaming 2: electric boogaloo and some more victim blaming. No really, here’s a sampling.

So she was sitting next to a touchy feely guy talking nonstop about sex and she FELL ASLEEP? then he molested her leg?? and then” later” she complained about it?? More than likely she liked the attention she was getting regretted how far she brought it, then blamed him. She thought she could get some free tix from the airlines for it. Who is the victim here? There needs to be consequences for these bs accusations, she ruined this guys life. That should not be allowed to happen.

if it was such a big issue to her, she’d have reported it immediately… could have easily been consensual and even exciting to her, but once she was away, and probably blabbed to her best friend about being a ‘rebel’ her friend convinced her to goto the airline and cops….I call FAIL.

She never should have let her guard down after his comments…

Because why the hell should anyone expect to be able to engage in standard behavior of a plane when they are traveling with a vagina? I mean come on! What was she thinking?

If I roll my eyes any harder they will fly right out of my head. I mean it.

Yeah so there’s those. Both of them are pretty black and white, and if you don’t think so, you’re wrong.

As a balm for that bullshit here is some lovely Twitter action.

Check out #safterytipsforladies and bask in the sarcastic glory.

Some of my favorites:

Gather an army of feral cats and train them to kill rapists on sight. Or to howl “call 911!”


don’t wear pants. or skirts. or dresses. or sweaters. or t-shirts. unless the t-shirts say “Don’t Rape Me”.


Make sure to save often. That way if you get raped you can just restart from your last save point.


Most rapists are human. Consider joining the Cylons.

I love it when the Twitter gets pissed. Also, given the comments threads from my previous post, it’s just topical as shit.

And here is another nice thing:

Dallas mayor Mike Rawlings organized Dallas Men Against Abuse rally. Here’s the best sentence from the whole article
“We call it a ‘women’s issue,’” said McPherson. “It’s our issue.”
Oh, hey, look at that, somebody who gets it. See sometimes, no matter how much bullshit there is, people get it. That’s nice.


Here are the not so black and white ones. the short version is; Reddit is full of hypocritical douchebags. If you read my most recent post you will have gotten that message already but, you know, in case you needed it spelled out for you, there it is.

Basically, this happened



Aw, look! Isn’t that cute? I think it is and again, topical given the firestorm that came as a result of the actions of Adria Richards and its implications for the world of tech. It’s great that the mom wants to help her and it’s even greater that the mom has helped her as much as she has up until now. Kids, no matter the gender, don’t usually determine they can build their own video game without some strong parenting. good for both mom and kid.

It was a sweet story until Reddit got hold of it.

The mother in this story is a millionaire.


People got pissed. Obviously.

Look I get it. I do. the fundamental question seems to be why is this woman begging money from others when she could afford to send all of her kids to any cap that she wanted? Not having any disposable income of my own, I get that people with less money than the mother in question might be pissed off.

There are perfectly valid complaints about his request.

But here’s the thing, when Warren Buffet did functionally the same thing over the long term; not raising his kids rich, not sending them to fancy schools, and not just giving them the things that they wanted but teaching them to earn it. All of these things are generally considered good and I can’t help but notice that a lot of the criticism coming at the mother in this situation are based on what? If you said gender, give yourself a gold star.

I get the money thing but I really don’t understand most of the objections here. this is a mother who is teaching her child both the value of the things the kid wants and the kid has a goal. Also, it seems she was really excited to be connecting with people all over the world. All of this is good. But people will not shut up about it.

Specifically, the MRA portion of Reddit has decided that the mother is a horrible person. Which makes me root for her because, it’s those guys.

Further, Reddit bullshit.

Alexis Ohanian, one of the co-founders of Reddit, responded to the drama surrounding Adria Richards and, um, he’s a giant hypocrite. OK, seriously, massive props to him for trying, at least. But he seriously failed.

Within his post he compares the life experiences of being a nerd to the life experiences of women and minorities who have faced sexism and racism. Fuck you dude. Not at all the same.

He also compares being a “straight white guy” to “playing with cheat codes,” which is true and it’s good that someone notices that.

The problem? He could make these people stop. He could participate in stopping the most disgusting a vitriolic hate on the site he is at least partially in control of, any time he fucking wanted. He’s on the Board of Directors! He just isn’t going to do that.

Instead, he and the rest of Reddit is going to continue the death/rape threat, upskirt, child porn, MRA culture and then sort of mention that maybe it’s not nice.

Not. Falling. For. It.








One Comment leave one →
  1. March 26, 2013 7:03 AM

    reddit is a total cesspool, i am sorry. even outside of the mega creepy parts like the group for taking pictures of women’s butts in public or the mens’ rights crap, there are just way too many idiots on there. even outside the issue of gender, there was a minor internet phenomenon around this guy in l.a. who calls himself a teddy boy and has a barber pole tattooed on his nose and an ever-increasing collection of silly tattoos, mostly on his face. he is also openly, blatantly racist – like, admits to it, uses the full complement of slurs, and so forth. someone posted it on reddit and IMMEDIATELY people started defending this yahoo against the assertion that he was racist. i mean seriously?? the guy is basically constantly bragging about how he hates “wetbacks” but takes their money, never mind what he has to say about african american people.

    anyway, in conclusion, fuck reddit.

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