The Questions I Ask
Maybe it’s because I have a girlfriend and as such, don’t really think about these things. But then, i didn’t think this way when I was single.
Maybe it’s because I grew up in a Caucasian household and no one seemed to ask these questions.
Maybe it’s just me.
Let’s be honest, it’s probably just me.
But there is one aspect of conversations with other Women of Color that consistently baffles me.
No matter the subject; be it hair, feminism, food, anything, but especially discussions of beauty, someone will inevitably ask one question.
What do black men think of this? And from there we are derailed and we end up focusing on men and their views and feelings. Forever.
In the course of this derailing I always ask some variation of the same questions and no one has yet given me any kind of satisfactory answer.
WHO GIVES A FUCK? Why is this even a thing?
Does your man like you in makeup? Do black men like makeup?
Who cares? If make up makes you happy then wear it. Why does any man even get an opinion especially some hypothetical man you’re not even dating?
Why, in the middle of primarily female conversations about issues like grooming, do we pause to wonder what men, specifically Men of Color, think about it?
Because here’s what’s really interesting, in primarily Caucasian groups, this does not happen.
Don’t get me wrong, they’ve got problems of their own but they almost never pause in their discussion of hair and nails and makeup to wonder what their men think of those choices.
So really, I’m asking, because I’m honestly confused. Why? Why do we care? We do we keep defining ourselves by their opinion? Why do we allow ourselves to question our own choices and thereby our autonomy in this way?
I do not understand and I’d welcome some insight.